My Mother's Day

I got to spend this Mother's Day weekend being a mom: laying my hand across my child's fevered forehead, stroking her back as I urged her to have another sip of juice, rocking her back and forth when I should have been packing. While I hate it when my girl is sick, I am so grateful that I was the one to whisper soothing words in her ear and rock her to sleep. I constantly marvel at the miracle of motherhood. I am amazed at those mothers who have had a child and know how hard it is, then have the courage to choose to do it again. I applaud the mother who chooses to live without some of life's luxuries so that she can stay home and be the one to mold her child's character and be there for life's little moments. I wonder at the resiliency of those mothers who must hand their child to another set of arms for 8 hours a day, then come home dead tired and still be their everything. My heart already dreads the fast-approaching day when my daughter climbs the steps of a school bus and rides off without me. Being a mother is truly the greatest joy of my life. A tender teaching moment came one day when Kylie had made a wrong choice. She hung her head, upset at her mistake, slowly raised her eyes to meet mine and asked, "Do you still love me?" With my heart bursting at the seams, I gathered her in my arms and said, "Kylie, I will always love you. Forever and ever, no matter what. Even when you make mistakes, I will always love you. I will try to help you fix the mistake and learn from it because I love you." That scene occurred a few more times, then the dialogue changed. When she made a wrong choice, she still hung her head, upset at her mistake, but raised her eyes to meet mine and said, "But I know that you still love me, forever and ever." This is my greatest wish, that she will always have the confidence in knowing that her mother loves her, through her mistakes and my mistakes. I believe that a child can do anything if they know they are loved, and that the greatest gift a parent can give a child is that confidence. I know there's going to be times that I fail miserably. I just pray that the Lord will make up for what I lack. I'm so grateful for those tender mercies when the Lord lets me know that I'm doing alright, when it's so easy to feel like I never do enough. ----------------------------------- It was also a great Mother's Day because of the outpouring of love I felt from my ward. Today was my last day in the Thibodaux Ward. I was surprised at the number of hugs and sad farewells at the church, and the many phone calls after church wishing me a happy Mother's Day and offers to help with moving. The sister missionaries came by to spend the evening with us. Dave and Coleen Hulbert also came by, bearing cookie dough ice cream. They cut their vacation short to make sure they were home in time to see us before we left. I commented that this is one of the things that I love about living outside of Utah: the strong friendships that are developed between members who do not have family surrounding them. I will miss those friendships dearly. I have clung to them during the difficult times and found that there is joy in adversity. It has been wonderful to feel so needed in a ward, especially when I began to feel un-needed. Service is a key to my happiness--something I learned in high school. I'm a selfish person by nature, more so than your typical "natural man". I learned how to be happy living in Southern Louisiana by losing myself in service, of which there was much need. I was touched when one of the members hugged me and thanked me for being one of the ward "pillars". I am relieved to return to Utah where things run smoother, but will also miss the rich service opportunities. Each time I live outside Utah my perspective changes--outside looking in, you might say. Not only do I realize even more the miracle of Utah, but also have a clearer view of the challenges posed by living there. I am grateful for the past year's experience, but also relieved that it's over. It was hard. I ran a good race, fought a good fight. Triumphed over darkness that nearly consumed me near the end. This was my 7th ward in 7 years. I have taken a piece of each ward with me, and hope that I leave a better person. As I drove away from the church today, I felt a quiet peace saying that the Lord was pleased with my efforts. What a beautiful and rare feeling!