The Kissing Hand

Brian often picks up Kylie from school and plays Mr. Mom while I'm at work. On the days that Brian works, my mom picks up Kylie from school. If they are both working I panic and try to find someone else who can pick her up...or I end up coming home early from work. The shuffle has been a little unnerving for both Kylie and I, and I felt that I needed to find a more stable situation for her. Kylie is a girl who loves routine and the slightest deviation of that routine shakes the very foundation of her world. I sent a silent plea heaven-ward and started looking for alternatives. I happened to chat with another kindergarten mom on one of the days that I left work early to pick up Kylie and she mentioned another working mom who has her son picked up from school by the daycare. I was able to contact this working mom and got an excellent referral for a lady who does daycare in her home, not far from Kylie's school, who picks up her son and another kindergartener! Kylie and I met with Pam, the daycare provider, the next day. Kylie had so much fun playing at Pam's house that she didn't want to go home. That's always a good sign. We decided to try her out the next day and arranged for her to pick up Kylie after school, feed her lunch, and watch her until I picked her up at 2:30. Kylie was excited, but I knew that the morning would show a different face. I laid awake that night worrying about my little bug, wondering and praying if this was right for her, and if it was that Heavenly Father would help us both be okay with it. The thought came to me to give Kylie a special kiss on the hand before she left for school. I thought it was a cute idea then drifted off to sleep. The next morning I reminded Kylie that the babysitter would be picking her up from school and the tears began to stream down her face. Then I remembered "my idea" from the night before. I picked up her little hand and told her that I was going to give her something. I kissed her palm, folded up her fingers, and told her that whenever she felt scared or alone that she could hold this kiss close to her heart and feel how much her mommy loved her and that I was always with her in her heart. The tears stopped and a little smile spread across her face. She looked at her closed fist and hugged it tight to her chest. She had some initial concerns that she might drop it or lose it, but I assured her that it was a magic kiss that couldn't be lost. When I picked her up at Pam's that afternoon Kylie was all smiles and Pam reported that Kylie did just fine. I am so grateful for that little bit of inspiration that made such a big difference. Apparently there's a children's book called The Kissing Hand that talks about a raccoon family who has a similiar experience. I've never read it, but think I might have to buy it for our home library. What a tender moment. As an illustration of how firmly rooted Kylie is in her routines...last night I got my second wind around 10 pm (typical) and decided to redecorate my entire house by rearranging everything in an attempt to make it flow better. I finally forced myself to bed at 1 am. Kylie woke up this morning, saw all the decorative changes (family picture is on top of the tv instead of the piano, etc.) and just lost it. "But moooom, I like it over there!" She hid between the couches and wouldn't look at me. I'm just now realizing that I really shouldn't have made all those changes while she was adjusting to daycare. And her daddy is gone for 10 days. My mistake. I had fun and feel better about the aesthetics of my home, but I have one unhappy girl. It's all going to change when we put up the Christmas tree anyway. I know Kylie will approve of the Christmas tree, as long as she gets to decorate it.

Still No Pictures

I think I'm going to break down and pay someone to fix my computer. I took some really cute pictures of Kylie at the park and need to get them loaded on here. She had a great time posing and coming up with different ideas. This past weekend the Bodily family got together and canned about 1,500 cans of flour, rice, carrots, apples, noodles, and at least 50 buckets of wheat. It was quite the project but we got it all in! Its a good feeling to have food storage for whatever might come. My new favorite quote is from Elder Wirthlin's Oct. General Conference: Come what may, and love it.

New Format--FYI

I have changed my layout to not allow comments on my postings, so if you're looking for that link, it is gone. Why? To briefly summarize, there has been a lot of negative comments posted lately when I needed support the most. If you're not going to say something loving and supportive, then I'd rather not hear it. And I think I'll just stick to reporting about superficial events like trick-or-treating and baking cookies rather than try to talk about things that matter to me. That way you can see what Kylie is up to and not have to wade through my life's struggles.

New Perspective

The computer's still broken, so no pictures, but we've been having a great time! Halloween was amazing--the warmest ever! Pictures to follow. I've been having a really rough couple of weeks since I started working. Saturday night I was trying to figure out what my problem is and looked back to remember if I had this much trouble working in the past. This pondering led me to the realization/rememberence that Heavenly Father has always provided me with work opportunities when our family needed the extra money. When the need was gone, so was the job. When I was engaged I worked 2 jobs and went to school at night. Turns out we needed that money to get us through the first couple of months of marriage. When Kylie was 3 months old I got a part-time job in Idaho so Brian could go to school. The company dissolved my job the same day I was giving them my 2-week notice. While living in Virginia I babysat a baby boy for a couple of months, which gave us the money needed to get us through a slow spell in Brian's work. I've been able to work off and on at the law firm when I've needed it. In Louisiana I got really busy with foot zoning after we decided to move back to Utah. Turns out we needed that money to help cover moving costs. Now here I am again at the law firm. I have really fought going back to work and have been more than miserable. I finally realized that Heavenly Father provided this job (again) so we can keep making payments on Brian's student loan. I am making a conscious effort to replace my negative thoughts with feelings of gratitude for the tender mercies of our Heavenly Father. I was able to come into work Monday morning with a new perspective and a lighter load. All week I had been praying for help because I couldn't pull myself out of my dark hole, and I prayed that Kylie and I could make some friends. Saturday we played at the Bear Bottoms Corn Maze and there was another young family there, and the girls really hit it off and we exchanged phone numbers for a playdate. New friends! Sunday my dad sat me down and let me talk and offered some inspired advice and gave me an awesome blessing. I am so grateful that he listened to the promptings of the Spirit that broadcasted my little cry for help. Another tender mercy from heaven. I don't feel on top of the world, by any means, but those positive experiences gave me the strength to fight off the darkness that was threatening to overtake me. I have never experienced anything like it before, and I've had some pretty low times. Hopefully I'm learning what I'm meant to learn from this experience, because I'd hate to feel like that for nothing!