All Better

Today Brian and Kylie came to visit me at the law office and brought lunch from Great Harvest. After enjoying our sandwiches Kylie said, "Dad, let's play office!" She scampered off to an empty conference room and assumed her position behind the desk. Clasping her hands, she informed Brian that they were there to talk about his problems. He sat opposite her at the desk and said he didn't have any problems. Kylie said, "We're here to talk about your problems with your wife." Trying to play along, Brian said, "My wife is always getting mad at me." Kylie ponders on this a moment and declares, "I know how to solve your problem." She reaches into the top drawer of the desk, pulls out a mini chocolate bar, and slides it across the desk to him. "Tell her you're sorry, and give her this chocolate. That will make it all better."

Christmas

New Blog

I've started a new blog, which is slow getting up and going, and will hopefully evolve into what I have envisioned. It's called My Inspiration. You can find a link to it at the right of this page. I will continue to update this blog on family happenings. My Inspiration will hold an array of ideas, quotes, and concepts that inspire me. Hopefully some day the fog will clear from my mind and I can write some of my own thoughts as well.

Beautiful Girl

Kylie School Picture

I can't believe she's in Kindergarten! She's learning to read and tell time. She's so much fun! I guess I can e-mail this picture if anyone wants it. I mailed a picture to all the great-grandparents.

The Kissing Hand

Brian often picks up Kylie from school and plays Mr. Mom while I'm at work. On the days that Brian works, my mom picks up Kylie from school. If they are both working I panic and try to find someone else who can pick her up...or I end up coming home early from work. The shuffle has been a little unnerving for both Kylie and I, and I felt that I needed to find a more stable situation for her. Kylie is a girl who loves routine and the slightest deviation of that routine shakes the very foundation of her world. I sent a silent plea heaven-ward and started looking for alternatives. I happened to chat with another kindergarten mom on one of the days that I left work early to pick up Kylie and she mentioned another working mom who has her son picked up from school by the daycare. I was able to contact this working mom and got an excellent referral for a lady who does daycare in her home, not far from Kylie's school, who picks up her son and another kindergartener! Kylie and I met with Pam, the daycare provider, the next day. Kylie had so much fun playing at Pam's house that she didn't want to go home. That's always a good sign. We decided to try her out the next day and arranged for her to pick up Kylie after school, feed her lunch, and watch her until I picked her up at 2:30. Kylie was excited, but I knew that the morning would show a different face. I laid awake that night worrying about my little bug, wondering and praying if this was right for her, and if it was that Heavenly Father would help us both be okay with it. The thought came to me to give Kylie a special kiss on the hand before she left for school. I thought it was a cute idea then drifted off to sleep. The next morning I reminded Kylie that the babysitter would be picking her up from school and the tears began to stream down her face. Then I remembered "my idea" from the night before. I picked up her little hand and told her that I was going to give her something. I kissed her palm, folded up her fingers, and told her that whenever she felt scared or alone that she could hold this kiss close to her heart and feel how much her mommy loved her and that I was always with her in her heart. The tears stopped and a little smile spread across her face. She looked at her closed fist and hugged it tight to her chest. She had some initial concerns that she might drop it or lose it, but I assured her that it was a magic kiss that couldn't be lost. When I picked her up at Pam's that afternoon Kylie was all smiles and Pam reported that Kylie did just fine. I am so grateful for that little bit of inspiration that made such a big difference. Apparently there's a children's book called The Kissing Hand that talks about a raccoon family who has a similiar experience. I've never read it, but think I might have to buy it for our home library. What a tender moment. As an illustration of how firmly rooted Kylie is in her routines...last night I got my second wind around 10 pm (typical) and decided to redecorate my entire house by rearranging everything in an attempt to make it flow better. I finally forced myself to bed at 1 am. Kylie woke up this morning, saw all the decorative changes (family picture is on top of the tv instead of the piano, etc.) and just lost it. "But moooom, I like it over there!" She hid between the couches and wouldn't look at me. I'm just now realizing that I really shouldn't have made all those changes while she was adjusting to daycare. And her daddy is gone for 10 days. My mistake. I had fun and feel better about the aesthetics of my home, but I have one unhappy girl. It's all going to change when we put up the Christmas tree anyway. I know Kylie will approve of the Christmas tree, as long as she gets to decorate it.

Still No Pictures

I think I'm going to break down and pay someone to fix my computer. I took some really cute pictures of Kylie at the park and need to get them loaded on here. She had a great time posing and coming up with different ideas. This past weekend the Bodily family got together and canned about 1,500 cans of flour, rice, carrots, apples, noodles, and at least 50 buckets of wheat. It was quite the project but we got it all in! Its a good feeling to have food storage for whatever might come. My new favorite quote is from Elder Wirthlin's Oct. General Conference: Come what may, and love it.

New Format--FYI

I have changed my layout to not allow comments on my postings, so if you're looking for that link, it is gone. Why? To briefly summarize, there has been a lot of negative comments posted lately when I needed support the most. If you're not going to say something loving and supportive, then I'd rather not hear it. And I think I'll just stick to reporting about superficial events like trick-or-treating and baking cookies rather than try to talk about things that matter to me. That way you can see what Kylie is up to and not have to wade through my life's struggles.

New Perspective

The computer's still broken, so no pictures, but we've been having a great time! Halloween was amazing--the warmest ever! Pictures to follow. I've been having a really rough couple of weeks since I started working. Saturday night I was trying to figure out what my problem is and looked back to remember if I had this much trouble working in the past. This pondering led me to the realization/rememberence that Heavenly Father has always provided me with work opportunities when our family needed the extra money. When the need was gone, so was the job. When I was engaged I worked 2 jobs and went to school at night. Turns out we needed that money to get us through the first couple of months of marriage. When Kylie was 3 months old I got a part-time job in Idaho so Brian could go to school. The company dissolved my job the same day I was giving them my 2-week notice. While living in Virginia I babysat a baby boy for a couple of months, which gave us the money needed to get us through a slow spell in Brian's work. I've been able to work off and on at the law firm when I've needed it. In Louisiana I got really busy with foot zoning after we decided to move back to Utah. Turns out we needed that money to help cover moving costs. Now here I am again at the law firm. I have really fought going back to work and have been more than miserable. I finally realized that Heavenly Father provided this job (again) so we can keep making payments on Brian's student loan. I am making a conscious effort to replace my negative thoughts with feelings of gratitude for the tender mercies of our Heavenly Father. I was able to come into work Monday morning with a new perspective and a lighter load. All week I had been praying for help because I couldn't pull myself out of my dark hole, and I prayed that Kylie and I could make some friends. Saturday we played at the Bear Bottoms Corn Maze and there was another young family there, and the girls really hit it off and we exchanged phone numbers for a playdate. New friends! Sunday my dad sat me down and let me talk and offered some inspired advice and gave me an awesome blessing. I am so grateful that he listened to the promptings of the Spirit that broadcasted my little cry for help. Another tender mercy from heaven. I don't feel on top of the world, by any means, but those positive experiences gave me the strength to fight off the darkness that was threatening to overtake me. I have never experienced anything like it before, and I've had some pretty low times. Hopefully I'm learning what I'm meant to learn from this experience, because I'd hate to feel like that for nothing!

Update and Whining

I haven't posted anything for quite awhile because my computer died on me. Hoping to get it back on track in the coming week so I can load my new pictures. Brian is gone this week doing a control burn around Zions Park and Kylie has 3 days off of school for parent teacher conferences. I am working part-time at the law firm again and have had a really hard time going back. It stresses me out so much trying to figure out how to shuffle my child around. I should be home taking care of her! I put out the energy that I needed another $1,000 a month to put on Brian's student loan...and this job popped up. Working part-time I'll make about $1,000 a month. I've been really depressed since I started working, and now I can add anxiety to the list too, along with not sleeping at night. I keep telling myself to buck up and dig in and do what needs to be done. Brian and I were going to start trying for another baby, but now that's on hold. This loan is so overwhelming, even though we're living with his parents and saving tons of money. Sometimes we wonder if we made the right choice coming back to Utah and taking a 40% pay cut. We've been really unhappy in our current ward (no one will talk to us, let alone be our friends!) and there are no kids for Kylie to play with. Louisiana was hard, but I learned how to be happy and had the most amazing friends. Of course if I was still living there I wouldn't look on it so favorably. This move back to Utah has been very different than I thought it would be. It really is better for Kylie, all things considered. It's been great being around family again, and I'm really excited for the holidays. And we are loving the season changes! Kylie is so excited for snow.

Happy Birthday LD Dawson

We celebrated LD's 19th birthday with the family today. LD is from Indiana and is staying with us until he leaves on his mission. It's been awesome to spend so much time with him.

Happy Birthday Ryan Cole

We all got together tonight for Ryan's birthday. He and Tracie (Brian's sister) live in Brigham City with their kids. It's always a good time with the Cole's! I made Ryan a John Deere cake, which came out suprisingly well considering that: 1) I'd never done anything like it before, 2) I had a half-hour before the party started, and 3) My only tools were canned frosting, food coloring, and a zip-lock bag with a corner cut off. My inspiration came from a t-shirt of Brian's.

Ryan was REALLY excited about his birthday cake! :-)

One of the few pictures you'll see of me...there's a good reason why.

The Birthday Boy with his buddy Rob "Psycho" Payne.

Happy Birthday!

Today Kylie turned 6 and I turned 27. Yep, we share the same birthday! I had to work, but the office bought a mountain of goodies from Great Harvest...and made me take the leftovers home. I came home from work and took a Birthday Nap, then we went to dinner at the Olive Garden.

The drive into town was beautiful. It snowed all weekend and the mountain snows haven't melted yet. The full moon was awesome on our way home.

After dinner we went to Nana's house to blow out candles so Kylie could "officially" be 6 years old. I love sharing my birthday with my bug! Best birthday present ever.

Kylie's grandpa with cake on his face. Cute!

Kylie's Birthday Party

Conference Weekend

I love General Conference. It's one of my favorite times of the year. I love watching it at home in my jammies. Our home is filled with the Spirit and its so wonderful that you can't help but doze off into a peaceful slumber. Pictured are my youngest sister Joe'E, nephew Tanner, and Brian. Kylie played outside with Corinne until it started to rain.

Chuck E Cheese

Next to Disneyland, Chuck E Cheese is Kylie's favorite place in the whole world. When we lived in Houma there was a CEC by Wal-Mart and we frequently visited. However, now that we live in Northern Utah, the closest CEC is in Sandy which is nearly 2 hours away...until now. We were thrilled to learn that a CEC opened in Layton, which is much closer. Kylie didn't have school on Friday so we made a day of driving down to Layton, playing at CEC (which was PACKED--must have been the first weekend it was open), and shopping at the mall for my birthday. I started working part-time at the law firm again, but none of my old work clothes fit anymore! I weigh 20 lbs more than when I first started working there :-( . So now I have to get new work clothes. The drive through the canyon was amazing. Too bad it was raining or the colors would be more vibrant. The drive home was a little spooky: there was little traffic headed north into Cache Valley, but there was a steady stream of traffic coming out. It looked like everyone was fleeing the valley! Finally I remembered that Friday night was the big USU vs. BYU football game in Logan. All those crazy Cougar Fans were driving back to Provo after beating USU.

Mission Call

Brian's nephew, LD Dawson, received his mission call today! We had to wait until 8:00 pm for everyone to gather for the big opening. While waiting, we took bets in which state or country he would serve. This past year he spent 6 months in Spain as a foreign exchange student. He will now return to the same area as a missionary! Amazing things are going to happen.

Birthday Invitations

I think they turned out pretty cute. She's going to be 6, can you believe it?!

Family Farm Day

An update on Kylie: the night after her scary descent from the horse she slept next to me all night and woke up once for a drink of water. The next day she said she felt a lot better and her headache was almost gone. We went to church, I fasted in gratitude, and she seemed to be her normal self. Monday morning she went to school just like any other day. After school I asked her if she told her class about getting bucked off. She had totally forgotten about it! We went back to the farm today and the first thing she wanted to do was visit the horses and feed them some hay. She said that Taffy, the horse, was sorry.

We had so much fun at the farm. I love working together as a family up there. Today was crunch day to get 80 acres of bailed hay hauled to a customer. Brian went up at 5:30 to get started. After Kylie got home from school we put on our farm duds and scurried up there. My job was to drive the Dodge 3500 diesel down the field towing a hay trailer behind. Brian drove the John Deere and stacked the bales on the trailer. I am happy to report that I didn't tip over a single load or catch the trailer on the fence when pulling in or out of the field. After awhile Kylie sat on my lap and steered the truck, which she enjoyed immensely. She did a perfect job executing the turns so that the load didn't tip. We had dinner at Big J's (mmmm, hamburgers and fresh strawberry shakes) which is the restraunt featured in Napoleon Dynamite. Oh, and we also saw Tina the llama as we drove into town. Still don't have a picture!

Wish you could see the colors that are popping up on the mountains! Mostly red, but here and there a patch of bright yellow pops out.

Ninja Cat

This really tickled my funny bone tonight. Guess I needed a good laugh. I've played this game with my cat many times, and it's always hilarious!

Magic Waffle

I am counting my blessings tonight. Heavenly Father was watching over my little girl today. This morning was my sister's senior picture photo shoot. She wanted a picture on a horse, so we went up to Brian's family farm. Since she and Kylie are such buddys, she wanted a picture with Kylie on the horse too. The poor horse was walking around a freshly-raked field of hay and wanted to munch. Laura got off the horse and was leading it with Kylie on the back when the horse threw a tantrum. Kylie held on for awhile, then the horse reared up, kicked Laura's hand (broke her finger and tore off her fingernail), and Kylie fell off. She landed flat on her back and laid there, dazed. Her only complaint was that her head hurt. We've watched her all day, gave her some Motrin, then she said she wanted to go to the "waffle store" for a big belgian waffle with strawberries. By the time she started in on the waffle the motrin kicked in, but she claims that the waffle made her feel better. It was a magic waffle. As the motrin wore off the headache came back and she threw up. This was scary. Brian and his dad gave her a blessing before we headed to the hospital. After the blessing his mom did some energy work on her, and I felt like she needed to stay home. I've felt pretty good about this decision, but went online to Google head trauma to further educate myself. I was relieved to read that its common for children to vomit once after a minor head trauma. If they vomit more than once, medical attention is needed. The Spirit further confirmed that I made the right choice to keep her home and let her rest. There is nothing worse then standing by helpless while you watch your child in danger. I couldn't get to her in time to pull her off the horse, assuming that I could even get close to the horse without being trampled. You might call it coincidence, but I assured Kylie that she had angels helping her get off that horse so that she wouldn't get hurt. If she had landed any other way, this could be a very different story. My poor sister held on to the rope for dear life, even with the horse pawing at her and kicking her, to save Kylie. Of all the ways this scenario could have turned out, I am so grateful that it turned out as well as it did. The worst part is imagining what could have happened--Kylie landing wrong and being severely hurt, or being stepped on by the horse, Laura being kicked anywhere but her finger, etc. What was interesting to me was the war of emotions I intially had. My "natural man" self automatically wanted to blame someone so that I had a focus or target for my intense emotions. For some reason we feel safer with anger rather than fear--makes us feel more in control, I guess. Thankfully I was able to fight it out in my head and remind myself that it really does no good to anyone for me to selfishly vent my strong emotions. Mostly I was just mad at myself for allowing the situation to happen in the first place. In addition to being grateful for the safety of my daughter and sister, I'm also grateful that I'm learning accountability for myself and my feelings. By no means have I perfected it, but I'm grateful that when the opportunity came to practice it, that I (hopefully) was able to do it right. I've been learning a lot about "putting off the natural man" the past couple of years--a fascinating subject. While it can seem an overwhelming commandment, I'm learning to be happy with my small steps in the right direction, knowing (and sometimes even believing) that it doesn't happen all at once but is a lifelong evolution. Besides, if I were perfect, I wouldn't be able to stick around here to see what happens next.

Quote

I love this quote found in the September 2008 Ensign article written by Sarah E. Miller, entitled "Hope and Healing in Recovering from Abuse":

"Our mortal experiences, however difficult they may be, can be channeled to help us know God and to learn about who we are in relationship to Him."

That really sums up the purpose of trials and gives focus and hope. We can be hurt and angry and bitter, or we can come closer to our Heavenly Father and enjoy the infinite possibilities of joy and healing. I see it like a funnel. If we choose to stay hurt and "protect" ourselves then the opening is wide...but eventually shrinks until there's nothing but sorrow. If we choose to forgive and allow the Savior and his Atonement to enter our hearts, the possibilities are endless. This is my primitive "sketch" of what it would look like:

Forgot the Camera Again

We had a blast Wednesday night at the Sky View Homecoming Parade in Smithfield, Utah. Kylie yelled and waved at all the floats and got a pretty good haul of candy. Back when I was growing up you didn't even need a sack for collecting candy because they threw so little. Thankfully a more-prepared mom had an extra bag. I couldn't help but laugh as I compared this small-town parade to the Mardi Gras parades--and we didn't even see the big New Orleans parade. The adults stood off the road, calmly clapping and waving. The kids would scurry out a couple feet to pick up a few pieces of candy. No one was rushing the floats screaming for more stuff. Everyone put their hands over their hearts when the flag went by (see my Mardi Gras post for that pet peeve). It was enjoyable. Good, clean fun. After that Brian mentioned that he had a craving for sushi. Kylie's ears perked up and she began chanting that she wanted "shushi". My youngest sister, Joe'E, watched the parade with us and hopped in the car with us to go to Kuzoku in Smithfield. Brian and Kylie tried the miso soup and decided they like it. Kylie liked the tofu squares at the bottom but didn't believe me that there was such a word as "tofu". The weather was just cool enough that you wanted a jacket, just in case. The leaves are starting to turn colors (look for pictures soon!) and the heater is set to "on".

Would Have Been Me

Published: Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 12:07 p.m. Houmatoday.com HOUMA — Hundreds of volunteers from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will join forces to help clean up Houma and Dulac Saturday. Right now, Mormon assessment crews are out in the community collecting orders of the work to be done to help the community clean up. Volunteers will gather at the Houma-Terrebonne Civic Center to parcel out work orders at 7 a.m. Saturday morning, and then will head out into the community to clean up. The Mormons had mobilized a work force and scheduled truckloads of cleaning supplies for the area, but these plans were scuttled in the face of Hurricane Ike. Some of the work anticipated includes removing mud from homes and debris from properties, placing tarps on roofs and providing other relief efforts as needed. The Mormons have dispatched around 20 semi-truck loads of supplies to the Gulf area generally this hurricane season and will be sending more to arrive for the relief efforts on Friday.